You can win

Don’t be careless. Hold your tongue listen.  Use you perspective to see things as those around you .
There’s an undermanagement problem in our business world and our financial security.

Let me break it down…
Business is 20% product knowledge, 80% people knowledge.
Finance is 20% head knowledge and 80% behavior. 
Theres a link  here…we’re in control of our destiny if we can manage the character of ourselves we can win at both.

MAKE character based decisions not emotional decisions. Emotion is temporary.  Character is consistent.  Its not personal its business. We try to feel everything.  Feel alive…and where did that get us …debt at home and a business that is undermanaged because we are not consistent.   Change your thinking and start today by managing yourself , you can’t afford not to.
You can win.

Some things in this world we just can’t change

reaching out for clarity we struggle for more than just a name

and though all my defenses are coming through . .

it won’t stop  me from getting closer to you

man it seems that this world is losing it’s grip  and so many things just don’t make sense

and just when I see that I’m seeing things to late . .I rationalize and make another mistake

raising my defenses

close the door right in your face

I know I’ve got my share of mistakes ,

but if these vital signs fading from the lines means anything at all

maybe we’re  all one slip from a fall

that’ll  bring us back home

He’s not one to share

he’s not one who usually cares

she held all of her doubt inside

he let go of whatever she left behind

Tonight I search through all that I am

tonight I hope to see whatever  I couldn’t see before

we all have been served such a good hand

So why do we choose the things that are so far from ok

Paperless Love ( These Days )

Everyone’s active everyone’s  free

Everyone’s a lover everyone’s lost within the vortex of  dream 

Look a little closer – spend a little time  

Outside the world’s drunk on disappointment 

The world’s weary from the pain

 

We race to believe in something new

  it’s paperless love

we have no time to form a thought

to write it out

we push until we wear ourselves down

we struggle to save the day

we struggle ‘till we waste away

we  struggle much afraid

Everyone’s a savior 

Everyone’s in chains

Everyone’s a lover

Look at everyone  alone

Consumed  by the weight we’ve accepted as These Days 

 

I was gonna give you words

but all I found were feelings

and in all these feelings is something I’ve never known

across the world there may be shadows

but I swear – you are my stars , you are my light

01-26 -13

 

Oh lord – my throat is dry as coal as we thank you for the life we waste away…

These Issues We Face ( The Journal post in which I am in the Hospital )

FROM MY JOURNAL ( 02-22-13)

I was dying …this was it…it wouldn’t be historical..life changing or cool ..it would be boring and slow – quite uneventful – like everything else in my life …the funny thing was I didn’t even know it until it was too late..but this was it.I wouldn’t be able to change it ..I was dying ..that’s the thing about death it’s like  facts ..they don’t ask  now what do you think? you like it better this way or some other way?.No sir they just are regardless of how much people hate them they carry on ., stepping into peoples lives ruining their schedules and everything else…we should really be more like that , like death..just Be .

I couldn’t help thinking about all the things i’d never write…

About all the things I’d never see

All the stress that didn’t matter now, all those pressures,  like gravity and glass pressing against my skin , making my head hurt like a vice …I hate that it got like this…but in my defense I didn’t know I was dying …I didn’t know that not sleeping could kill a person and that along with poor diet and stress and anxiety all of those things would cause my body to literally fall apart inside .

What I DID know was this;

I used to be afraid of living…terrified of it to the point I wanted to just stop time …just freeze it …or stay in bed all day …maybe I could pause the world and just walk around and see what everybody is really like.Because I was terrified, terrified of living and making decisions or making a life for myself..i felt like I was a failure at life and could never measure up. 

but anyway..regardless

just as soon as my head got cleared up my body backed out of the deal . and here I was dying .Now I was afraid of dying and wanted to live……

Funny how that worked out huh. 

02/20/2013

02/20/2013 (JOURNAL )

 

I just finished The Time Traveler’s Wife,it’s a good book, you should read it .But now i can’t sleep…I hate this …for someone who can sleep anywhere …I sure  make a habit of not sleeping at night .

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about chapters …and how we change . I close my eyes and I see my life like this….moments„,memories….glances;

Growing up working with dad, preaching with dad

Hyper active wasting 99.9% of all my words 

Terrified

Always the nightmares and lack of sleep

Dad, his eyes, his face …

his voice echoing 

pinning me to the wall

Suddenly I’m here again back home…on that night….I’m standing in the freezing rain…with my mom and sister..i can see my breath. Numb. Dad died in his sleep .

I think about all that has changed and all that is

I was young and very opinionated , i thought i would be a self made man

I was terrified of living 

i spent my life traveling with dad on the road trying to be perfect

to learn business and how to be the best i could be

my image of god was a blurred image of dad , his voice and shadow looming over my life constantly seeking his approval , his favor …his attention .

Now he is gone and all that has ended….at some point in time I left home and started living , Good men invested in my life and taught me about finances and business  I’m getting to know God . I’m getting to know people . Not deceive them . But I’m sick ..I’m scared ..I don’t want someone taking care of me..so I will probably always be alone I saw my grand-dad use my mom and my dad use my mom …I don’t want to even think  of someone taking care of me  …the thought of sometime in my uncertain future..my needing someone more than they need me? Jeez.. My stomach hurts just thinking about it . and yet  I can’t help thinking…when I was young I was scared of living so much so I often wanted to die..now  that I’m older I’m scared of dying …scared of existing …spinning time..but never touching eternity ..never finding my purpose and what it’s all about  .